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Screwed, by Kendall Ryan

Screwed__________________________________________________

I have one rule: Don’t shit where you eat.

Several of the women in the condo complex I own would love some one-on-one playtime, and why wouldn’t they? I’m young, fit, attractive, and loaded. Not to mention I’m packing a sizable bulge below the belt. It’s a combination that drops panties on a regular basis.

Yay, me, right?

But my cock, troublemaker that he is, has been confined to my trousers by my business partner. A concession I agreed to, and one that’s never been hard to enforce until Emery moves in across the hall. She’s smart, young, determined, and sexy as hell. I want a taste. I won’t stop until I’m buried deep inside the succulent new-in-town brunette.

After being warned about my past, she does her best to steer clear, but I’m about to show her that underneath it all, I’m a guy with a heart of gold and a cock of steel.

My name is Hayden Oliver, and this is my story.

SCREWED is standalone romantic comedy by New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and USA Today bestselling author Kendall Ryan.

__________________________________________________

“I’m screwed – completely and utterly screwed. And not in the fun way.”

Mmmm. I guess I would give it 2.5 stars. I actually started by giving it 3 stars but if I follow the rating on GR, then my feelings about this book equal 2, but I think just 2 stars is a little harsh.

“Fuck. Why did we wait so long to do that?”
(…)
“Because we’re friends?” I suggest helpfully.
“Right. Totally. I’d say now we’re more like best friends.”
“Besties.” I almost choke on the word. Why is my heart clenching in my chest?”

What to say about Screwed. Well, for one, this book is that it’s an easy read. It’s short, sweet and light. Now, it won’t win any awards for originality, but it serves its purpose, which is to entertain. And it did entertain me.

“What are we doing?” I ask him, not meaning for it to sound like a plea.
“Being friends,” he replies. His breath puffs over my lips, and I almost shiver. “Why do you ask?”
“Because friends don’t usually get erections for each other, do they?” I retort without any real force, bumping my hip into the large ridge in his shorts. Friends also don’t get soaking -wet panties, for that matter.”

Hayden and Emery were fun together and I liked that they didn’t fall in bed right away. And I enjoyed the banter between them a lot.

“Her gaze drops to the front of my pants. “I have a big dick ahead of me,” she says, and her cheeks flame bright red. “I mean a big day. Day,” she repeats.”

But I have to say, it didn’t exactly make my heart beat faster. A lot of things about this book made me think of the word flat. I know, it probably doesn’t make much sense. I’ll explain:

– Emery and Hayden, even though they were enjoyable characters ended up being a little paper thin for me. Emery’s funny, but I don’t have the feeling that I know her, what kind of person she is. I know that she likes to work and that she is intelligent. She likes yoga. She’s a vegetarian and had lousy boyfriends. But that doesn’t tell me what kind of person she is.
Same thing for Hayden, but in his case, I feel like I know even less. He’s good with kids, loves his family, had a relationship that ended badly and he has a 9 inch cock and knows where the G spot is. But that’s pretty much it.
I couldn’t, for the life of me, tell you what kind of characters they are. I can’t gush over them, because even after reading a book that focuses on those two, I still feel like I don’t know them.

“I’m not looking for something deeper. I have a luxury condo in the heart of the Hollywood Hills, drive a new BMW, and possess a nine-inch cock.”

– Like I said, I was entertained and I enjoyed the sexual tension between Hayden and Emery, but…I don’t know, the fact that I wasn’t rooting for them, that I wasn’t frustrated when Hayden messed up or scared that Emery wouldn’t forgive him easily, or the fact that my heartbeat stayed flat when Emery was heartbroken or when Hayden finally told her why he acted like a douche, it all left me feeling a little blah about the story and the book. I never felt like I was being sucked into the story or like I was a part of it.

“You broke up with a girl for farting?”
“Indeed,” I confirm.
“That wasn’t love, then.”
“How do you know?”
Hudson shakes his head. “Because when you’re in love, and your woman feels comfortable enough to do that in front of you, you’ll think it’s cute.”

There were sweet moments like when Hayden is with his family or when he realizes his in love with Emery; but again, it felt more like I was seeing things happen from a distance, not like I was living it. I felt very detached from all that was happening. Which is, I think, why my ticker didn’t really going crazy when things went south or when Hayden and Emery finally got over their hang-ups and gave in to their attraction for each other.

“There’s no way I’m letting her go… After all, I’ll never find another girl with cuter farts.”

It kind of sad because I can’t say that I didn’t like this book, but the fact that I felt so detached from it disappoints me. I wish the story would have made me care more, would have gotten me more involved into the story and the characters’ lives. But it didn’t. So even though it’s far from being bad, it’s not exactly good either. I hope Kendal Ryan will do better with the spin-off novella of Screwed, Monster Prick. I’m actually curious about what’s cooking between Hudson and Gracie.

“How’s your sister?” he asks out of the blue.(…)
I shrug. “Gracie’s Gracie.”
(…) Hudson nods once, effectively ending that weird conversation. Okay then.”

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